I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
