Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
