I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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