So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
