Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
