Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
