His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
