At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
