Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
