hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize
