My pussy is not your playground.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
