Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
