I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
