I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
