i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
