but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
