So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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