guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
