god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
