please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
