; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
