I think im going to throw up on grandma
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
