Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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