Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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