Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
