i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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