but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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