if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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