I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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