shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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