how can u be prego again
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
