Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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