so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
