i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Randomize
