dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
