and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
