I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
