I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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