I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
