Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
