Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize