We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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