so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I am spending my child support on dildos
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
