I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
