I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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