We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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