She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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