I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
