wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
