Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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