I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
