Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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