Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
