I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
