I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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