Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
