i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
