he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
