Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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