I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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