My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I have fence marks all over my body
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
