I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Randomize
