I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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