he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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