wrigley field is MILF paradise
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I look better un-naked...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
