She is in my trunk
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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