At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
