worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think i peed on brittanys purse
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
