I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
