I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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