is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
