I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize