I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
wow bdsm is so cute
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