I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
