Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
