He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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