Where is the hickey?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
