So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
