YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
im six kinds of drunk right now
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize