i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize