o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
