that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
