mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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