just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
