I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize