I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Randomize
