I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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