Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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