oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is Oprah even human
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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