Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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