Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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