dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
